There are so many people in pain and suffering. I have observed that most people are suffering in silence. They have been shamed, embarassed and afraid to talk about it with others and so they they are paralyzed to even discuss it with themselves.
We as humans all have our own ways of addressing, dealing with and processing what we have experienced in our lives. We are often our own worst enemies. I believe this mostly stems from worrying, wondering and caring WAY too much about what other people think of us; the ultimate judgement.
Judgement is not a bad thing as a whole, but negative judgement of any kind is; especialy when we negatively judge ourselves.
Definition of Judgement:
1. The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Synonyms: discernment, acumen, shrewdness, understanding, wisdom, common sense, good sense, perception, acuity, awareness, prudence, astuteness…
When we “judge” ourselves, it seems to me we are being negative. We say things like, ” what an idiot!” ” how could you be so stupid!” ” what is wrong with me?” To me, these are not any of the synonyms of judgement. They are all negative, mean, violent self talk to demean and shame ourselves.
When we are having good sense, acuity, understanding, wisdom, and awareness we are looking at ourselves as sensitive, vulnerable human beings who have flaws, make mistakes and are willing to learn, grow and change.
Transformation comes with all those wonderful synonyms of judgement. We have been taught to ” judge” ourselves harshly. I think we need to “judge” ourselves kindly, with all the synonyms that are positive, transformative, insightful.
Believe me it is easier said than done! I have been a silent sufferer for far too long. My heart aches underneath the smile and I just keep moving on, albeit slowly, but not so surely. Internal torment is the worst unless you bring it to the surface and bring light to it by sharing your pain with others who can and will emotionally support you. Often we do not know who can and will be able to emotionally support us until we reveal first to ourselves and then to the other person how we are feeling. We each have our own level of tolerance and willingness to address our pain and suffering. This is how we meet the other. We meet him or her from a place of how deep we are into our own place of pain. How far down we are diving to look at it, experience it, deal with it, heal it. Not everyone is ready to go that deep. Not with others and especially not with themselves.
Emotional pain is dark, heavy, dense, uncomfortable and scary.
Emotional pain is surmountable.
My own experience and my observation of others is, the only way over is through. Step by step. Day by day, minute by minute, experience by experience, feeling by feeling. It truly is an inside job.
I believe my experience of emotional pain and discomfort brings light to what I need to focus on and heal. By expressing it to myself, I bring light to the dark shadows that are difficult to admit, own, and share. Then by sharing with others who I feel safe with, I can bring more light to the darkness, bring it out into the open to blast it wide open with clarity, truth, awareness, consciousness, sensitivity, love, tenderness, compassion, and vulnerability.
Even when I do not have someone to share with, I can still blast wide open with all the kindness and compassion I can muster. I am my own personal diver and excevator. Any amount of light finely focused on an important intention, insight, or awareness can allow the work to unfold. Starting somewhere, anywhere is much better than staying in the dark nowhere!
We each can give ourselves only what we have to give. I can give myself my love, honor, loyalty, commitment, tenderness, acceptance, patience and vulnerability. I also have these traits to share with others who need my support. Not everyone has these traits to share because they do not have them for themselves. I realized, with great sadness, that not everyone can meet me emotionally. Even the people I really want to. No one can give what they themselves do not have to give for themselves. It may seem so with certain people. The ones whose friends call with all their problems and for advice even when they have no intention of heeding it. Whether consciously or not. To me this is superficial assistance. The giver of advice is easily bringing meaning to others rather than themselves and the receiver who is chroncically calling for help without really listening or getting professional help is looking outside themselves for a quick fix.
When I give “advice” I am always talking to myself as well. I strive to walk my talk. For me, I am in no position to give suggestions of emotional life living when I am not living them myself. The expression I liken to this is, “keep your side of the street clean.” When I take care or cleaning my shit on my side of the street, the other side of the street that is not mine is obviously being left unclean by that responsible party.
Again, often easier said than done. None the less very important.
I like the visual in my mind of me standing on a sparkling clean street smiling and waving!
And we are back to emotional healing is an inside job that needs lots of light to the darkness, lots of patience, kindness and tenderness to the process. Time, depth and frustration can be met with more light love and continued vulnerability for all of it.
We are all special, unusual, unique beings. We are all here for whatever reasons we believe; religious, spiritual, karmic.
Just because it has become “fashionable” or maistream to talk about our traumas, abuses and shadow issues isn’t the reason to embrace them.
I embrace my shadow, traumas and painful stories because I want to heal and be the person I know I am as a whole, complete, healthy, unique being.
My process is ongoing.
My process is my life. And my life is my process.
If by living my process I can help shed a small amount of light to others by sharing mine, then the visual in my mind with me smiling and waving, is a result of that ongoing process as well.
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